North Scott High School Announces Schoolwide NeeDoh Ban

First, they tried to take our phones, and now they are taking our NeeDohs—what’s next, breathing?

NeeDohs have overtaken North Scott High School, disrupting the learning environment, according to North Scott Admin. The admin team values what they believe is best for our school. After weeks of deliberation, they have officially announced a building-wide NeeDoh ban. 

Teachers have been quietly observing students over the past few weeks. Their findings were concerning. It was found that their students spend roughly 67% of their class time squeezing NeeDohs. Another study reported that three out of four students can no longer write a complete sentence without squeezing a NeeDoh. What was once a simple fidget has evolved into a full-scale academic distraction. 

This issue extends beyond lost instructional time. Administrators have reported that students have begun forming emotional attachments to their NeeDohs. “They don’t understand what NeeDohs mean to us,” one student said. “It is not just a stress ball; it’s a lifestyle.”

Despite student uproar, the administrative team is moving forward with its decision. The updated policies will be as follows:

1. Next week will serve as an “amnesty period,” during which students can turn in NeeDohs without punishment.

2. Beginning on April 6th, there will be random locker checks for “contraband” NeeDohs.

3. If NeeDohs are found, they will be confiscated immediately, and students will be required to complete a mandatory reflection form addressing their actions.

4. In addition, the admin is also exploring the implementation of “Fidget-Free Zones” throughout the school.

As the ban approaches, students are left wondering what they will squeeze in a world without NeeDohs. They may have to face the truth: it is finally time to pay attention in school.

DISCLAIMER: This article is in honor of April Fools' Day and is purely for comedic and entertainment purposes.