Punxsutawney Phil Deserves To Get Fired

This past Monday, February 2nd was Groundhog Day. On this fateful day, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow when he was picked out of his burrow—which indicates six more weeks of winter. 

With an average accuracy of 35%, Phil is far from a reliable prophet. Calling him a prophet is even a bit far fetched since prophets typically tell the future. All that this lazy groundhog does is pop his head out of his burrow and get scared (or not scared) of his own shadow. A bit pathetic in my opinion.

It’s about time that Punxsutawney got fired, and I believe that there are animals that would do a much better job at prophecy telling than that gargantuan rat.

Ducks

In Mayan culture, ducks were magnificent creatures that could travel in between worlds. Can Phil do that? I don’t think so. Not only that, but these aquatic birds carried souls to the underworld. That’s cool. You know what’s not cool? Giving the nation misleading information about the weather.

Scramble the Duck also predicted the forecast on February 2nd and came to the same conclusion as Phil—that there’d be six more weeks of winter. Stationed in Eastford, CT, this duck allegedly has an 100% accuracy  rate. This feathered fellow even has an official State of Connecticut Citation for his accuracy, presented to him by Representative Patrick S. Boyd, 50th District and Senator Anthony Guglielmo, 35th District.

Chickens

At Muscoot Farm in Katonah, New York a chicken has already been predicting the weather. Cluxatawney Henrietta uses a revolutionary technique in her weather forecasting. Instead of basing the predictions on shadows like the other players in the game, Henriette predicts the weather based on whether or not she lays an egg on the morning of February 2nd. This year . . . she laid an egg by 10 a.m. which means that we should expect an early spring in 2026.

Armadillos 

Bee Cave Bob is Texas’s famous weather forecast expert. This armadillo resides near Austin, TX and has been broadcasting weather and political forecasts since 2010. 

On February 2nd, Bob did not see his shadow which signals an early spring for Texas. This shelled creature does seem to have a bias . . . Throughout his reign as a forecaster, he has only predicted a longer winter three times. Could this be because he lives in a warmer climate? Is it simply rebelling against his rival Punxsutawney? Who can say . . .

Alligators

Big Al is the representation for the elderly we need on Groundhog Day. The 95 year old alligator at Gator County Adventure Park in Beaumont, Texas predicted an early spring for 2026. 

Big Al made this prediction by eating a Chick-Fil-A sandwich sandwich offered to him on Groundhog Day. Big Al is a bit more fierce than the other forecasters. “He has an aggressive personality and we enrich that,” said Arlie Hammonds, co-owner of Gator County in an interview with Beaumont Enterprise. Is that lazy groundhog fierce? Probably not . . .