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This sadnwich is insane.

Sandwich 2.0 -- Bill Gates

This sandwich cannot be photographed. I have tried but all attempts have failed. This sandwich has caused and ended every single war in history. I would know, I was there.

a bunch of hand prints on a cave wall

If you need proof I was there, I don't have any. I wish I could've added my handprint to this wall, but none of them would let me. I had to watch as every other person went and put a handprint on the wall except me. Steven Grog, if you are reading this, I remember what you did.

An image of John Sandwich holding one of his finest creations
(pictured: John Sandwich)

Sandwiches have been around for eons. They were originally going to be one of the fundamental particles at the creation of the universe, but they got demoted to non-fundamental status last second. Sandwiches were invented in 3.4 billion BCU (Before Creation of Universe) by John Sandwich (pictured left). I would know. I was there. Although they were invented in 3.4 billion BCU, they were created during the creation of the universe, 0 ACU.

All of this is to say, a sandwich being the best ever isn't to be taken lightly.

This sandwich wasn't created during the creation of the universe like most sandwiches. It was created when the universe died, 1.7*10^106 ACU, or 0 ADU (After Death of Universe). It was sent back in time, and has deadly properties from being created at the death of the universe. On a side note, there is one other sandwich that wasn't created at the beginning of the universe, the hot dog. The hot dog, created by John Hotdog (no picture available), was created along with Earth in 8.7 billion ACU.

I have to be careful in revealing the steps to make this sandwich. If it gets into the wrong hands, it could cause another global pandemic, or even World War III. For this reason, I will be typing in white.

Step 1

Grab 2 pieces of bread. Note: it has to be J tier bread or higher. Lightly toast both pieces of bread. Can go until black if desired, however, do not let it get white unless you are trying to summon the one who shall not be named

I will not be named. -- The one who shall not be named

Step 2

Add bacon to one side of sandwich. J tier bacon is preferred, but any bacon will do. On the other side spread liquified cheese (the variety commonly used alongside tortilla chips).

Step 3


Step 4 (this step may be controversial)

Add BBQ sauce to ham. You have to be careful though, as performing this action is not fully safe when done before the death of the universe. If you want to be extra precautious, you can wait to perform this step until after the death of the universe. If you're reading this after 0 ADU, you don't have to worry about any of this.

Step 5

Doritos (pulverized)

Step 6

Close sandwich. (Note: doing this incorrectly will cause the Higgs field to stabilize)

If you have made it this far, you've learned a lot of important things about this sandwich. You've even learned the steps used to manufacture this sandwich. Insane. You might be wondering at this point, what is this sandwich called? If you really want to know, he's called Jeremy. Jeremy Sandwich. Son of John Sandwich. He is officially one of the gods. If you eat this sandwich, you are eating a god.

Make sure to eat this sandwich in secrecy. Eating gods is a taboo among the gods, and gods have a way of knowing everything. Be careful, and good luck eating this sandwich. o7

Comment below to suggest topics for me to cover next

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