Updated: Feb 3, 2022
You wanna read about my armpit cyst? I think you definitely want to read about my armpit cyst. And who am I to deny you that experience?
I have a cyst that pops up once in a while. It typically resides with me for way more than a hot sec. It’s just a little painful bump hanging out in my armpit. The cyst is usually really small. Sometimes, before you touch it, it can look like normal skin. However, there are other times when it’s black, red, or huge. It has gotten pretty big, swelling up to roughly the size of a ping-pong ball. Yeah . . . yuck. I’m just thankful that it isn't some weird kind of cyst like the kind that are caused by a condition called hidradenitis suppurativa. Do not google the images for that unless you have a strong stomach. Or just don’t. At all.
My armpit cyst spawns from my skin’s vehement anger at shaving and Dove deodorant. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but if I use certain products or shave too often, it swells with tainted, milky pus. When that happens, it hurts: I can’t close my arm all the way, I can feel it constantly, it's just a bad scene, man. And I can’t do much about it, really. But, I tell myself I can. I’m wildly sure I’m not supposed to press at it, but sometimes I do take that firm, burning little lump between my hands and squeeze. Luckily, it always crops up in a spot where that is possible and I don’t have to go at it one handed. The sucker needs a lot of pressure.
Then again… maybe a limit of my power to mess with it wouldn’t be bad. It hurts to go at it, and unless something amazing happens, I don’t think it is usually worth it to go after it . . . even though I do anyway . . . eh.
Let’s set the scene.
The cyst has been reborn. It isn’t that big, but it is probably the size of one’s big-toe nail; just large enough to be annoying.
It has been a couple weeks of applying pressure, squeezing dark blood from its little eye. I’m taking it slowly, making sure I don’t accidentally cut it with a nail or injure myself without good reason. One night, I get sick of this pace. I get excited. The last couple nights, the blood has thickened up more than usual. It’s more similar to bloody pus.
Caught up in the moment, I go for it, watching how the pus changes from a deep red to a pinker color, leading back to that milky pus. I go crazy. I keep pushing, digging my nails in, the excess pus dripping down onto my side. Then, suddenly, it feels like something inside the cyst snaps or pops. The pus thickens. I become radical. I press harder. My nails, connect through it. With one final ooze, the cyst feels empty.
The pop-aholic inside of me is absolutely thrilled. Such a cool experience. So satisfying. 10/10. Fantastic way to spend a Saturday night.
Still managing the crazed excitement inside, I mop up the cyst’s expulsions and move on.
Wow, what a pop.