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Bye-Bye Lincoln!

Updated: Apr 6, 2022

Lincoln, the lovable golden-ball of fur usually seen roaming the hallways will be no more. He’s not dead, of course, but he sure is gone! Lincoln, the resident “therapy” dog, has been put on a permanent leave of absence for his inability to do his job.

Lincoln Slacking Off

Lincoln is a Golden Retriever—one of the friendliest dog breeds. But Lincoln has been less than friendly these past few weeks. He has often been seen walking away in times of emotional distress—the entire reason he’s at the school in the first place. Lincoln ignores those in times of need, and is often seen literally running from his responsibilities. He has also had an attitude problem. He’s been snorting, growling, and even barking at upset students. The school talked of getting Lincoln his own therapy dog for his emotional issues—but it’s not in the budget.

These attitude problems have caused Lincoln to slack off. He’s been laying down instead of uplifting others, chasing toys instead of chasing the bag. It’s clear that Lincoln doesn’t care about his job, or your feelings. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis, maybe it’s just him showing us his true colors. Whatever the cause of his actions truly is, it’s sure that Lincoln will soon be gone, and his attitude will never be forgotten.

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